Dying to Remember (The Station #2) Read online

  "Piper," she leans down so she her mouth is just beside my ear, "Piper, it's about Ryan Burke." I scramble off the cold floor so fast that I startle Niles. Mallory has just delivered my flying pig.

  CHAPTER 2

  While I run out the door, hot on Mallory's heels as we flee the building, for one very brief moment I have forgotten completely about Sloan and about my own suicide. Right now I simply want to know what Mallory has to tell me. We pass the large water fountain with the aqua-blue tile and move away from the small groups of people that are mingling around the center of the Station. When we stop, I recognize we are now hovering along the side of the Ones building. I want to shake whatever information she has out of her pretty cheerleader body.

  "What, what is it?" I try not to scream the question at her.

  "Okay, look. You know there is only so much I can tell you about a case, right?" Her blue eyes are large and waiting, gauging for my reaction. I wave with my hands impatiently for her to continue.

  "So, lookit. I just got back from my last case and you were the first I had to talk to about her. Well, not her really…but her boyfriend." She blinks at me, letting the reality of what she has said sink in.

  "No way. You're telling me that Ryan Burke was your Assignment's boyfriend? Is that what you're saying?" I ask half in shock, half furious.

  "Yes. And wow, was that a mess, Piper. You have NO idea. He's still just as big a jerk, you know," she says as her voice hitches with excitement.

  "How could this possibly be amusing? Are you actually laughing? How could you of all people think this - any of this is funny?!" I am yelling so loud that Mallory grabs my arm and pushes me around the corner of the building where we are less likely to draw attention.

  "It's not funny, Piper! Calm down, I haven't told you the best part," she pauses to take a deep breath.

  "Well, hurry up, before I smack it out of you," I say, almost meaning it.

  "Piper, Ryan's in jail."

  I don't understand. I stare, blinking at her, unable to speak.

  "In jail…like, for a long time," she adds, as if this will help me find the ability to use the English language again.

  "Okay, let's sit. Shall we?" She pulls me down to the ground and we lean against the cool outer wall of the Ones building. I sit in stunned silence while she shares what she's allowed to share with me.

  "Ryan moved to Northern California on some scholarship and that's where he met…my Assignment. Jeez, I almost blew it and said her name. Anyway, so they started dating before I came around. But he was bad, I mean, really bad to her; abusive in all ways possible, if you know what I mean. And my poor girl, she just had zero self-confidence. Well, fast-forward to my arrival. Things are horrible with Ryan…really awful. She had just gotten out of the hospital - where he put her after smashing her face into a wall, when I came in. I convinced her to stay with friends while we developed a plan to land that bastard in jail. It took six months of real time…six long months…and two in-treatment stays for her at the hospital, but we did it. He's in JAIL, Piper. And he won't get out any time soon. They got him for Attempted Murder." She leans back against the wall and blows a heavy gust of air out of her mouth, looking satisfied with her story.

  "Oh wow," is all I can say.

  Holy CRAP; is what I'm thinking.

  In jail. Actually in jail; for Attempted Murder, no less. He really is a bastard.

  ***

  I wander around the Station aimlessly until Niles eventually finds me sitting outside the Training Department building. I know I walked the whole place enough times to bloody the soles of my feet but we can't bleed in the Station of course. Lost in my own thoughts and memories, I tune out all the signs of nearby people. It's just me, lost in the shell of the life I used to have.

  "Piper. Are you okay, dear?" I hear Niles speaking above me. It's not until he reaches out to touch my shoulder that I blink and look up at him.

  "Huh?"

  "Are you okay?" he repeats his question, his brow furrowed into more lines than a folded up map.

  "Yes. No. I don't know."

  It's an honest answer. Ryan Burke in jail is awesome. But knowing he kept hurting people because I never said anything…well, it feels awful. Like what is left of my soul is being ripped from me. If there was a 'Worst Person of the Year' award at the Station I was pretty sure I'd win it.

  "I spoke with Mallory before she headed off to the Consignment Department. I'm sure you are already aware of what she told me?"

  "She told you? About Ryan Burke?" I'm shocked.

  "Well, yes. I'm your Intake Specialist, obviously news like that is going to affect you somehow," he answers.

  "Right. Consider me affected, then."

  "Oh, Piper. We are all connected, more so than any of us knows before we die. This won't be the last time someone you know here meets someone you knew when you were alive. It will happen," he says softly.

  "How do you deal with it? When it's about someone you hated?" I glare at him.

  Two women in their thirties passing by pause to smile at us and greet Niles. After they have moved on, Niles sits down beside me with his legs crossed, mimicking my position, resting his hands on his knees before taking a deep breath.

  "Have I told you how I arrived at the Station, Piper?"

  I look over at him, the middle-aged man with grey hair and a kind face, and I know he surely must remember he has not talked to me about his past, but I slowly shake my head anyway. He nods and begins to share his story with me.

  "It was a sunny day in Seattle with some clouds here and there…a nice breeze; just a perfect day, really. I was working on some paperwork in the office early that morning, waiting for my sons to give me a call. They were on vacation in New York for the first time and even though they were in their early twenties, I still had them check in with me every morning," he pauses to laugh softly, rubbing his hands on his knees before taking a shallow breath and continuing, "I was drinking a cup of coffee when my sister called and told me turn on the television. The first plane had just flown into the World Trade Center building. I sat mesmerized by horror, as the second plane hit, and the fire forced some of those poor souls to jump to their deaths. I just watched them fall. Holding hands. People."

  I listened to Niles speak without moving. I remember 9/11 even though I was a little kid. My Dad sat in front of the T.V. with his glossy eyes glued to the screen for two days. The weirdest part of it for me was playing outside that week under empty skies. Not a plane in sight. Niles seemed older as he spoke, like he was aging before me. I listened intently, afraid to forget even just one word of his story.

  "After two days of waiting for them to call me, I knew something was wrong. After a week, they were officially put on the missing list." He pauses to swallow hard, "I found out from one of their travel companions that my boys had visited a friend's dad at his office that day." He stops talking long enough to rake his hands down his face and then fans them out before him with his last sentence, "All that was ever found was half of my youngest son's wallet."

  Oh my gosh.

  "I lasted almost a year before I hung myself in the solitude of my library closet." When he turns to look at me with a trembling smile and tears swimming in his blue eyes, I reach my hand out for his, holding it tightly to my chest.

  "I'm so sorry, Niles."

  "Oh, me too. Me too, dear. I've been here for a long time and seen a lot of sadness. A lot of pain. What I've learned is that we can't focus on that now; we have to move on and help others. It's our second chance at happiness. For whatever reason, we couldn't handle the pain of our lives, but we can handle this."

  Suddenly, Niles leans over and plants a quick kiss on the top of my head before shoving off the ground. As he smooth's out his pants and adjusts his sweater-vest, I push myself away from the wall and stand in front of him.

  I try out my best smile before asking, "So, what are you going to do with me?"

  "Hmm. I think I have an idea. Just keep in mind,
it's temporary, dear."

  My smile wavers as I follow him through the center of the Station, passing the buildings and the giant water fountain. Wonder where he's taking me?

  I'm beyond thrilled when we pass the Administration building. As a cruel joke, I was half-expecting Niles to pair me with someone like Tight Bun Lady. I would not survive that. Instead, we mingle our way through the small groups of people scattered around the grounds until I find myself in front of the Ones building. My stomach flips with excitement. No job here could possibly suck!

  "Piper, the Ones building is a delicate place. It's the only part of the Station that most of us will never understand. The children come and go. Why they come here and where they go to we don’t truly know but they need us just the same while they are here. Do you understand that?"

  I nod my head.

  "Okay. Well, you don't have the proper training for new arrivals. So you won't be working with the new children."

  My face falls with disappointment. He's going to make me a Janitor, won't he?

  "Will I be with the children at all?" I ask hesitantly.

  "Yes. Please, come in with me. There's someone I'd like you to meet." He opens the large front door and ushers me through.

  The first thing I notice is how different the Ones building is inside. There's no particular color theme, like with the rest of the buildings, and yet there is hardly any white. Except for the floors; the floors are the same organic-like opaqueness as the rest of the Station. But the walls are beautifully aglow with every color of the rainbow and those in between. The bright splashes of color layer the walls, ceiling and furniture with a liquid sort of veneer finish. As Niles moves confidently across the large and open foyer, I reach out and touch the wall closest to me. There's a shimmer of movement like milky blood beneath the cool, glass surface that I can't identify, no matter how long I stare at it.

  "Piper, this is Mrs. Fox," Niles says kindly from behind me.

  I look across the room to see a smiling blonde woman moving toward us. She seems to be in her thirties or forties but it's hard to tell. Her slender form seems hidden a bit beneath her t-shirt and Capri pajama bottoms but it's her facial features that mostly draw my attention. Her slightly hooded eye lids sprout long and dark lashes that blink delicately around irises the color of dark coffee. The skin around them crinkles when she smiles, evoking a natural warmth that lights up her entire face. Her slender nose matches her thin lips and the daintiness of her chin balances out her strong jaw-line. She has an old Hollywood actress look to her.

  "Hi, Piper. You can call me Laney. Mrs. Fox seems so formal."

  I take her outstretched hand and shake it with a smile. "Nice to meet you, Laney."

  "Piper here needs a temporary job, Mrs. Fox. I thought maybe she could work over here for a bit." Niles gives me a wink.

  "Oh, I'm sure we can find something for Piper." She turns to face me, cocks her head to the side and laughs softly. "You know, I've seen you hover around the front window before."

  I can feel myself blush. "Oh, I'm sorry."

  "Don't apologize. The children can be calming, can't they?" she asks.

  "Yes, they can," I admit.

  "Okay, well Piper, you are in excellent hands here, so I'll be off," Niles says, "I am sure you can find me if you need me?"

  "I think I'll be okay. Will you come back and tell me when I can see Sloan again?" I bite my lower lip to keep it from trembling. For a little while I had almost forgotten that Sloan was going through all the standard-issue procedures for a new arrival.

  "Of course, dear. As soon as he's available I will let you know."

  Relief floods through me as I hug Niles goodbye. "Thank you," I whisper in his ear.

  After one more wink, Niles leaves and I'm left alone in the foyer with Laney. I don't know what it is she will have me do, but being anywhere near the children is therapeutic. The laughter coming from the room next door is invigorating; I can't wait to meet them.

  "How about you follow me out back first? I'll show you around a bit and we can figure out where you will best fit. How does that sound?" Laney asks.

  "Sounds great."

  Maybe getting a new job won't suck after-all.

  ***

  New jobs suck.

  After seeing what happens in the Ones building - what really happens in the Ones building, I would rather be the Station Janitor. A lot more children pass through here than I ever could have imagined, using our after-life haven as a traveler would a lay-over in an airport terminal. For the little ones the Station is just a meeting place between what was and what is to come.

  Unlike the rest of the new arrivals, the Ones - or the children under thirteen years old, don't process into the Station through the Admissions Department. Though they arrive just like I did, alone in the cool white nothing beyond the Station gates, they are taken immediately to the Ones building which is where they stay until they are processed out. My new job is to help the Staff with transfers. There is nothing easy, nothing enjoyable about telling a child they need to move on, when you can't tell them where they are moving on to.

  I've become a running girl; walking up and down the long hall that snakes through the bowels of the Ones building with a different child in tow each time. Sometimes they hold my hand, sometimes they cry. Only one child, a beautiful, doe-eyed girl with raven-black hair, has actually skipped with excitement down that long hall, happy to see what waited for her on the other side.

  "Where do you think I'll go? Will my grandpa be there, waiting for me?" The slight-framed girl had asked as she all but danced beside me.

  "I don't know, sweetie," was what I said to her. And it was true. I didn't know. I still don't.

  "It must be wonderful, kinda like an adventure, dontcha think, Piper?" She beamed as we stopped in front of the large white door that was I was only allowed to open for her, but not pass through myself. There were other staff members waiting on the other side to finish the transition.

  "I'm sure it's amazing, kiddo."

  She hugged me tightly and smiled, showing off teeth that were still too big for her small mouth before she vanished into the whiteness. Gone forever.

  This is all I've done for what feels like weeks. Walk up and down the bright hallway barefoot with children who shouldn't know what suicide is. Most of them don't understand it completely, even though I know they have been through their own version of Orientation.

  When there's a lull, I'm allowed to sit with the young ones in the massive oval-shaped playroom with the long bay window and listen to them sing and dance. It's my favorite place, aside from the fountain that serves as the Station's busiest focal point. The walls in the Ones building change on their own, fitting with the moods of the children around them. The high-energy children tend to evoke bright colors, like lime greens, sunshine yellows and cherry reds. The mellower of the bunch fill the room with dark purples that remind me of ripe plums and deep ocean blues that make me miss the sea tremendously.

  The floors remain the same cloudy white, but the ceilings here change. Sometimes they are a dark navy blue; filled with softly shimmering white pin-pricks of light, like far-away stars. And other times they are creamy like lemon cake frosting. Regardless, they are alive with something wildly magical and mysteriously organic.

  "Piper?"

  I turn my gaze away from two nine year old girls that are gleefully spinning around the main room to look up at Laney. She has a puzzled and slightly concerned look on her face and beckons for me to come to her. When I get closer to the doorway she stands in, I can see someone in the foyer behind her.

  "Yes Laney?" I go up on my toes, trying to see over her shoulder but the person has moved out of view.

  "There's someone here to see you, but maybe you could talk outside?" Her eyes are questioning but she keeps whatever she wants to ask to herself as she moves aside to let me pass.

  Standing with his palm flat on one of the foyer walls is Sloan. He's stroking the wall much like I did wh
en I first entered the Ones building, marveling at the soft yellow glow around his hand. I stare at him, apparently for too long, because I jump when Laney clears her throat before casually strolling into the playroom.

  Sloan turns to see me watching him and slowly drops his hand from the wall. For a moment we just look at each other, the subtle blinking of our eyes the only movement in the room.

  "Hi," I finally say when my voice remembers how to work.

  "Hi," he responds with a shy smile, dragging a hand through his dark hair.

  Oh my god. That smile. I glance down at my feet to make sure I'm not melting into a puddle of teenage hormones. Nope, still intact. Amazing.

  "Um, I hope it's okay that I came by?" He shoves his hands into his back pockets and shifts most of his body weight onto his right foot. The dusty-blue color of his faded jeans match his eyes almost perfectly.

  "I think. I mean, sure…yeah, of course it is," I pause to take in a deep breath so my words sound a tad less spastic, "I meant, yes. It's fine. Should we go outside for a bit?"

  He nods and steps back to open the front door and as I pass closely by him, the sweet yet sour smell of grapefruit drifts down around him like a citrus waterfall. We all smell of it for some strange reason, but on him the fruit mixes with his natural fresh and musky scent to create an overpowering sex appeal that makes my mouth salivate and my legs feel like jelly. Grapefruit will never mean the same thing to me again.

  I know when I step out into the ivory atmosphere of the Station, with Sloan walking slowly beside me, that things will forever be different. Because if I didn't admit it to myself before, now I'm absolutely sure; I'm one hundred percent in love with him.

  Crap.

  CHAPTER 3

  I think I actually stop breathing as I aimlessly wander toward the fountain. The whole time Sloan follows me so quietly that when I finally sit, I'm surprised to see him really standing there.